• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: INVASION U.S.A.

    INVASION U.S.A. (1985)
    Showing Tuesday 7/7/2015 at The Hollywood Theatre

    It’s Christmas in July for the 4th Anniversary of B-Movie Bingo at the Hollywood Theatre! That’s right, INVASION U.S.A. (story by Chuck Norris) takes place at Christmastime in the South, where a horde of foreign militia invade our beloved nation, gleefully shooting up malls and suburban streets with machine guns and bazookas. The invading force is led by Mikhail Rostov (Richard Lynch), a Russian, who upon first entering our nation travels to the Everglades on a fan boat to kill the one man who could stop him: former CIA agent Matt Hunter (Chuck Norris). But he fails, and doesn’t know it.

    Rostov’s plan is two-fold and simple:

    1) Kill Matt Hunter – failed.

    2) Infiltrate America and turn its people against each other, bringing on chaos and ultimately marshall law.

    It’s hard to say what his plan is after that, but I bet it involves shoving his pistol down men’s pants and blowing their balls off. That seems to be his “big move” he does on people who get in his way. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what his plan is, as it’s no match for Norris’ ability to be everywhere at once. Every time Rostov’s minions are trying to blow up a church or a school bus, he’s right there, ready to make them look stupid, say something awesome, and then kill them.

    This movie is way better than we remember it being. Its got tons of action, including a mall car chase second to only THE BLUES BROTHERS, and even the long boring scenes near the end are entertaining because of the bizarre pacing. This is the first writing collaboration between Chuck and his younger brother Aaron Norris, who went on to write and direct TOP DOG and numerous episodes of “Walker, Texas Ranger“. Directed by Joseph Zito.

    Trailer:

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: ARMSTRONG

    ARMSTRONG (1998)
    Showing Tuesday 5/5/2015 at The Hollywood Theatre

    The Cold War has just heated up–but don’t worry, because Frank Zagarino‘s on the case! In ARMSTRONG, Zagarino plays Rod Armstrong, a former Navy SEAL living it up in Moscow.

    Things heat up when he is unexpectedly visited by the man who trained him, Bob (Charles Napier, THREE NINJAS) and his wife, Susan (Kimberly Kates, BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE). Bob is required to give Armstrong a VHS tape (that he keeps in his jacket pocket) which reveals secret missile base locations, and to enlist his help on a top-secret mission.

    Before we go any further, we should talk about Joe Lara‘s character. His name is “Ponytail” and he plays the main bad guy. Ponytail. Also, Kimberly Kates was one of the Princesses from BILL & TED. Ok, back to the synopsis.

    Before Bob can fulfill his mission, “Ponytail” is in on the VHS action, and a freshly-showered Susan gets chased down the street in a wet blouse and miniskirt. It’s a long chase sequence, with many a tuck-n-roll. And regarding camera angles… let’s just say it’s obvious a dirty old man directed this (Menahem Golan). After making a clean getaway, Susan hands off the VHS to Armstrong at Bob’s funeral. It’s up to them to get it into the right hands, to avoid an international arms conflict. Just like Bob would have wanted.

    This movie was released in 1998, but it looks and feels like 1990. That’s the best news about this movie, aside from one of the Princesses from BILL & TED starring. Interestingly, this film was written and directed by Menahem Golan of Golan-Globus, co-owners of Cannon Films in the 1980s. Most excellent! Rated R.

    princesses

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Trailer: