• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: ARMSTRONG

    ARMSTRONG (1998)
    Showing Tuesday 5/5/2015 at The Hollywood Theatre

    The Cold War has just heated up–but don’t worry, because Frank Zagarino‘s on the case! In ARMSTRONG, Zagarino plays Rod Armstrong, a former Navy SEAL living it up in Moscow.

    Things heat up when he is unexpectedly visited by the man who trained him, Bob (Charles Napier, THREE NINJAS) and his wife, Susan (Kimberly Kates, BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE). Bob is required to give Armstrong a VHS tape (that he keeps in his jacket pocket) which reveals secret missile base locations, and to enlist his help on a top-secret mission.

    Before we go any further, we should talk about Joe Lara‘s character. His name is “Ponytail” and he plays the main bad guy. Ponytail. Also, Kimberly Kates was one of the Princesses from BILL & TED. Ok, back to the synopsis.

    Before Bob can fulfill his mission, “Ponytail” is in on the VHS action, and a freshly-showered Susan gets chased down the street in a wet blouse and miniskirt. It’s a long chase sequence, with many a tuck-n-roll. And regarding camera angles… let’s just say it’s obvious a dirty old man directed this (Menahem Golan). After making a clean getaway, Susan hands off the VHS to Armstrong at Bob’s funeral. It’s up to them to get it into the right hands, to avoid an international arms conflict. Just like Bob would have wanted.

    This movie was released in 1998, but it looks and feels like 1990. That’s the best news about this movie, aside from one of the Princesses from BILL & TED starring. Interestingly, this film was written and directed by Menahem Golan of Golan-Globus, co-owners of Cannon Films in the 1980s. Most excellent! Rated R.

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  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: HOLOGRAM MAN

    HOLOGRAM MAN (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 3/3/2015 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Nothing in this movie is even remotely possible, but if you’re interested in movies that “have it all”, look no further! In a future world that looks suspiciously like early 90s Los Angeles, psychotic criminal mastermind Slash Gallagher (Evan Lurie—DOUBLE IMPACT) is brought down by rookie cop Kurt Decoda (Joe Lara—STEEL FRONTIER). A convicted insane person, he is sentenced to a futuristic version of prison torture called Holographic Stasis. His body is put on ice, while his mind and soul are re-programmed.

    After literally no time, Slash’s gang of insane cyber criminals break him out of what is already an impossible prison situation—but his body is destroyed in the process. Slash is rendered a nightmare hologram, able to walk through walls and smile as bullets pass through his digital body. Imagine Princess Leia as projected by R2D2, if Leia was a dreadlocked beefcake in a white leotard. When he speaks at normal volume, he sounds EXACTLY like Ross from “Friends”. Close your eyes and listen, and you’ll see.

    Once former rookie cop Kurt Decoda hears that Slash is out of hologram prison, he hits the streets—this time it’s personal. Decoda’s plan isn’t to send him back to jail… it’s to send him straight to hell! Directed by Richard Pepin (T-FORCE, CYBER-TRACKER 2).

    Trailer: