• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: TOP DOG

    TOP DOG (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 4/4/2017 at The Hollywood Theatre

    After zany police dog Reno’s partner gets killed doing surveillance at the docks, he is teamed up with tough cop Jake Wilder (Chuck Norris of FOREST WARRIOR).  Why are they teamed up?  Because they have the same police record, of course!  Indeed, they have the same amount of arrests, the same amount of hero medals, and they’ve each been shot in the line of duty four times.  After this unlikely pairing, the film escalates into the zaniest white supremacy action thriller ever committed to film.  Basically, an underground group of neo-nazis have plans to blow up some kind of important racial unity gathering in order to celebrate Hitler’s birthday.  This seems kind of extreme for a dog-genre movie, but once Jake and Reno catch wind of their plans, they unite to become a two-fisted, four-pawed death squad!  You can expect to see some warehouse fights, a montage of Reno wearing different clothes and sunglasses, shipments of illegal weapons and C4, a gang of assassin clowns and more!  Directed by Aaron Norris (Chuck’s brother).

    COMMENTARY

    TOP DOG was the last Chuck Norris movie to be released in theaters.  By the time this came out in April 1995, the 2nd season of Walker, Texas Ranger was nearing completion, and Norris couldn’t have been less cool to moviegoers.  This film bears the stamp of the team of people that helped him make the Walker series, most notably his brother Aaron who directed numerous episodes.  Thus, it’s made-for-TV look begins to make sense.  Norris’ next movie, FOREST WARRIOR, went straight to video, as did the rest of his films through 2005 (he also did a few TV movies for CBS).  He announced his retirement from movie making after THE CUTTER in 2005, to spend time with his family and write books.  Later this year Chuck will be back on the big screen for his first wide-release movie since TOP DOG in the second installment of THE EXPENDABLES franchise.  Rumor has it that he refused to be in the movie unless the producers of the film agreed to tone down its vulgar, R-rated language (link to article).  The producers agreed, which is weird because who knew that Chuck still pulled so much weight after all these years?

    Footnote: While trying to find out how many episodes of Walker Aaron Norris directed, I saw a trend in his career that I could correlate directly to Chuck’s.  I discovered that Aaron’s directorial debut was BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III from 1988.  He went on to direct every Chuck Norris film after that, and with each we saw Chuck’s career slide closer and closer to the dreaded direct-to-video bin.  The lesson: Hollywood nepotism is always a good thing.

    But enough stuffy analysis.  Here’s the action-packed trailer for the superb film TOP DOG!

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: INVASION U.S.A.

    INVASION U.S.A. (1985)
    Showing Tuesday 7/7/2015 at The Hollywood Theatre

    It’s Christmas in July for the 4th Anniversary of B-Movie Bingo at the Hollywood Theatre! That’s right, INVASION U.S.A. (story by Chuck Norris) takes place at Christmastime in the South, where a horde of foreign militia invade our beloved nation, gleefully shooting up malls and suburban streets with machine guns and bazookas. The invading force is led by Mikhail Rostov (Richard Lynch), a Russian, who upon first entering our nation travels to the Everglades on a fan boat to kill the one man who could stop him: former CIA agent Matt Hunter (Chuck Norris). But he fails, and doesn’t know it.

    Rostov’s plan is two-fold and simple:

    1) Kill Matt Hunter – failed.

    2) Infiltrate America and turn its people against each other, bringing on chaos and ultimately marshall law.

    It’s hard to say what his plan is after that, but I bet it involves shoving his pistol down men’s pants and blowing their balls off. That seems to be his “big move” he does on people who get in his way. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what his plan is, as it’s no match for Norris’ ability to be everywhere at once. Every time Rostov’s minions are trying to blow up a church or a school bus, he’s right there, ready to make them look stupid, say something awesome, and then kill them.

    This movie is way better than we remember it being. Its got tons of action, including a mall car chase second to only THE BLUES BROTHERS, and even the long boring scenes near the end are entertaining because of the bizarre pacing. This is the first writing collaboration between Chuck and his younger brother Aaron Norris, who went on to write and direct TOP DOG and numerous episodes of “Walker, Texas Ranger“. Directed by Joseph Zito.

    Trailer:

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: LONE WOLF MCQUADE

    lonewolfposter_webLONE WOLF MCQUADE (1983)
    Showing Tuesday 8/6/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In the 1983 film LONE WOLF MCQUADE Chuck Norris stars as J.J. McQuade a Texas Ranger who loves beer, hates food, and lives in the desert with his pet wolf (which kind of undermines the “lone wolf” thing). He faces off against Rawley Wilkes (David Carradine), who is the world karate champion and a nefarious arms dealer (because karate doesn’t pay the bills). He also has to face a really immature disabled dwarf, who also happens to be an arms dealer. We’re not sure why. This film was directed by Steve Carver (1975’s CAPONE) and later inspired “Walker, Texas Ranger”, which was unfortunately directed by Chuck Norris’ brother. This film is reminiscent of a great Sergio Leone spaghetti western and represents the possibilities of what could have been, rather than the harsh reality of watching eight seasons of “Walker”.  This is one of the archetypal films that B-movie Bingo is based on, and features several movie cliches that we decided were way too offensive to include in the final version of the game – see if you can spot them! (Hint: look for the disabled dwarf villain that doesn’t fit into the plot.)

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: TOP DOG

     Top DogTOP DOG (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 3/6/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    After zany police dog Reno’s partner gets killed doing surveillance at the docks, he is teamed up with tough cop Jake Wilder (Chuck Norris of FOREST WARRIOR).  Why are they teamed up?  Because they have the same police record, of course!  Indeed, they have the same amount of arrests, the same amount of hero medals, and they’ve each been shot in the line of duty four times.  After this unlikely pairing, the film escalates into the zaniest white supremacy action thriller ever committed to film.  Basically, an underground group of neo-nazis have plans to blow up some kind of important racial unity gathering in order to celebrate Hitler’s birthday.  This seems kind of extreme for a dog-genre movie, but once Jake and Reno catch wind of their plans, they unite to become a two-fisted, four-pawed death squad!  You can expect to see some warehouse fights, a montage of Reno wearing different clothes and sunglasses, shipments of illegal weapons and C4, a gang of assassin clowns and more!  Directed by Aaron Norris (Chuck’s brother).

    COMMENTARY

    TOP DOG was the last Chuck Norris movie to be released in theaters.  By the time this came out in April 1995, the 2nd season of Walker, Texas Ranger was nearing completion, and Norris couldn’t have been less cool to moviegoers.  This film bears the stamp of the team of people that helped him make the Walker series, most notably his brother Aaron who directed numerous episodes.  Thus, it’s made-for-TV look begins to make sense.  Norris’ next movie, FOREST WARRIOR, went straight to video, as did the rest of his films through 2005 (he also did a few TV movies for CBS).  He announced his retirement from movie making after THE CUTTER in 2005, to spend time with his family and write books.  Later this year Chuck will be back on the big screen for his first wide-release movie since TOP DOG in the second installment of THE EXPENDABLES franchise.  Rumor has it that he refused to be in the movie unless the producers of the film agreed to tone down its vulgar, R-rated language (link to article).  The producers agreed, which is weird because who knew that Chuck still pulled so much weight after all these years?

    Footnote: While trying to find out how many episodes of Walker Aaron Norris directed, I saw a trend in his career that I could correlate directly to Chuck’s.  I discovered that Aaron’s directorial debut was BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III from 1988.  He went on to direct every Chuck Norris film after that, and with each we saw Chuck’s career slide closer and closer to the dreaded direct-to-video bin.  The lesson: Hollywood nepotism is rarely always a good thing.

    But enough stuffy analysis.  Here’s the action-packed trailer for the superb film TOP DOG!

     

  • Hot!

    Chucknology – Chuck Norris Kills Per Movie Graph

    Chucknology: Kills Per Movie
    In the Spring of 2006 we made our CHUCKNOLOGY: KILL COUNTS PER MOVIE graph and presented to a small gathering of friends at one of our first Bingo Nights.  We happened to watch CODE OF SILENCE (1985) that night, actually one of Chuck’s better movies.

    INTERPRETING THE GRAPH

    The chart follows Chuck Norris’ career from 1969-2005.  We broke the graph down by decade, facial hair status, and weapon of choice.  We analyzed kills with different styles of facial hair, kills by decade, kills per movie, and minutes between kills (by decade).

    INTERESTING INFORMATION ONE CAN GLEAN FROM THIS IMAGE

    1) As Norris’ facial hair thickened, so did the diameter of the barrel of his weapon of choice.  Naturally, as his weapon’s barrel increased, so did his kill count.  “As above, so below.”

    2) The 1970s saw him mostly with a mustache with his leg as his weapon of choice.  The 1980s got gratuitous, however.  This is when we saw him begin to wield automatic weapons.  I guess life really does begin at 40.

    3) After Norris hit 50 in 1990, he started with a bang with 29 kills in 1991’s THE HITMAN.  Then he began to mellow as he eased into network television popularity with eight season of Walker: Texas Ranger and a few quasi-spiritual direct-to-video movies.

    Source of graph data: http://www.scms.ca/norr.html