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    ChinaOBrien_webCHINA O’BRIEN (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 8/5/2014 at The Hollywood Theatre

    The formidable duo of Cynthia Rothrock and Richard Norton rarely fail to please. In CHINA O’BRIEN, Rothrock stars as a big-city cop/karate instructor who quits the force after a gang-related shooting takes the life of one her students. She decides to go back home to the country, where her father is the sheriff, only to find her hometown overrun by corrupt jerks. When her father and his deputy (in awesome back-to-back scenes) get killed by car bombs, all hell breaks loose–and she gets elected sheriff! All right!

    Usually in movies like this, Rothrock fights the boss at the end, which means they are also karate experts, or at least have plenty of Uzis. Not the case here–the bad guys are old men who sit in dark rooms plotting. To fight them, she runs for sheriff and is elected, and then deputizes her old flame Richard Norton, some high school kids, and a mysterious karate-kicking Native American with one hand (we think) named Dakota. Throughout the movie, Dakota saves her ass over and over and disappears on his dirt bike. No one is impressed though–and he’s not really acknowledged by Rothrock or Norton until about three-fourths through the movie. When they finally want to know who he is, it’s with a “Who the hell does he think he is–let’s show him!” kind of attitude. Then they get in a car chase, and the rest is what you’d expect–he becomes a friend and deputy.

    This movie is non-stop entertainment. Even when nothing’s happening, it’s strange enough to keep us interested. Directed by Robert Clouse.


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    doubletrouble_WEBDOUBLE TROUBLE (1992)
    Showing Tuesday 5/6/2014 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Peter and David Paul, better known as “The Barbarian Brothers”, were twin beefcakes who looked like a pair of roided-out Sandra Bullocks. They bounced from buddy comedy to buddy comedy, scrabbling to find purchase in the rocky soil of Hollywood. Their go-to move was flipping cars. Looking back, they may not have succeeded in their quest, but at least they still look like a couple of Sandra Bullocks.

    In DOUBLE TROUBLE, they star as Peter and David Jade, twins on opposites sides of the law–which is ample fodder for all kinds of comedy. That being said, this movie is very entertaining. Peter is a cop for the LAPD whose only shirt is a cut-off Raiders sweatshirt, and David is a cat burglar who specializes in diamond heists. He prefers to wear suits, and lives in swanky condo. Peter lives in a hellhole and lets his cat use the sink as a litter box.

    Much to Peter’s annoyance, he is called to a crime scene only to catch his estranged, albeit muscular, twin brother red-handed. He discovers that while trying to rob a safe, the recently-incarcerated David had stumbled upon a key to a secret room full of diamonds, and the bad guys want it back. For reasons unknown, the chief of police, played by John “Scotty” Doohan (STAR TREK), sees it fit to pull David out of jail and team these guys up to take down the criminals and clean up the city. Pretty good plot–can’t wait to see how it pans out. Tropical ending, perhaps?

    Also of note: David Carradine has a cameo. Directed by John Paragon.

    A day in the life of a beefcake.

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    SamuraiCop_UpdateSAMURAI COP (1989)
    Showing July 2nd at The Hollywood Theatre

    It’s the 2 Year Anniversary of B-Movie Bingo!  And to commemorate this solemn event, we’re re-showing our favorite movie, SAMURAI COP. It’s 1989, and the Japanese Katana Gang have a death grip on the city of Los Angeles. Who better to deal with the problem than Joe Marshall, the “Samurai Cop”? Matt Hannon, who was once Sylvester Stallone’s personal bodyguard, stars in the title role. This is a man that looks like a Dorito. For half of the movie, he wears a woman’s wig with a baseball hat because he got a haircut during production. And regarding his police work: let’s just say… he can “read eyes”. Robert Z’dar co-stars as the evil samurai henchman bent on taking out Marshall. His beard obscures his enormous jaw. Be ready for burning humans, severed limbs, gun and sword fights, and lots of long awkward love scenes. Join Joe “The Samurai” Marshall and his sidekick Frank as they take on the minions of the crime underworld. Written and directed by Amir Shervan.

    Here’s a montage of some clips.