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    Lady DragonLADY DRAGON (1992)
    Showing Tuesday 8/7/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Cynthia Rothrock plays Kathy Galagher, an ass-beating lady who lives in a rat infested hellhole in Indonesia and fights sweaty dudes for  money. However, she is also a retired CIA agent supposedly (which is very easy to miss) who’s husband gets murdered in a flashback.  Now the only thing driving her is to get sweet revenge on Ludvig Hauptman, a beefcake arms dealer and rich-as-hell crime lord (played by Aussie superstar Richard Norton) who also happens to be pure evil and an expert martial artist.  After a failed attempt at killing Ludvig in his own bar called the “Super Star”, Kathy is held hostage, beaten and left for dead, only to be rescued by a mute seemingly homeless Karate master and his tiny interpreter grandson.  The pair nurse Kathy back to health using a massive wooden (Ewok Village?) structure that Kathy must train on daily and eat really filling white stuff and gross tea in order to become a Lady Dragon.  Once Lady Dragon status is achieved (which means nothing except for the mute Grandfather making strong eye contact and doing a rigid cobra-looking hand gesture with his fore arm),  Kathy begins working for Ludvig’s company some how with out being recognized, gets double crossed by former CIA agent friend “Gibson” (Robert Ginty) and has a mano y mano in a warehouse with Ludvig until they are both really beat up.  Directed by David Worth.

    Check out the trailer:

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    STONE COLD (1991)
    Showing Tuesday 7/3/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In celebration B-Movie Bingo’s 1-Year Anniversary, we present STONE COLD, the most Bingo-worthy movie we’ve found so far, with an incredible 50 bingo squares!

    STONE COLD stars Brian “The Boz” Bosworth, an often-injured former NFL player who transitioned into acting in the early 90s, and who later transitioned into real estate brokerage.  In his first movie role “The Boz” plays Joe Huff, an often-suspended cop (he begins the film suspended from the force, feeding his huge pet monitor lizard) who finds himself blackmailed into going undercover to infiltrate a biker gang suspected of killing priests and dealing drugs.  The gang, known as The Brotherhood, is run by the merciless “Chains” (played by a scenery-chewing Lance Henriksen) who can’t help but be curious about this lone blond beefcake who seemingly materialized out of nowhere to get the chance to “do some crimes“.  Once inside the biker gang, we get lots of fun scenes of bikers beating the hell out of each other.  The best feature the psychotic “Ice” (an insane, constantly silhouetted by explosions William Forsythe), namely one in which he and another biker attempt to shoot beer cans off each other’s shoulders.  Ice breaks out a machine gun… and everyone loved it.  This is a no-nonsense, fun and violent movie.  As “The Boz” would say, “Be yourself or be dead.”  Directed by Craig R. Baxley.



    A visual summary of STONE COLD

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    HARD TO KILL (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 6/5/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    You can take THIS to the bank!  In HARD TO KILL Steven Seagal is Mason Storm (best movie hero name ever), an L.A. detective who spends the first twenty minutes of the movie in a seven year coma.  (RIP Mason Storm’s coma, 1983-1990).  When he wakes up from the coma, he has a huge goatee, which is a sure sign your nurse has the hots for you.  Within seconds of becoming aware of his surroundings, he flashes back to the atrocities that befell his family at the hands of a dirty politician… while a hit man roams the halls hunting him down as he wheels around on his gurney.  After a narrow escape, his nurse takes him to an Eastern-tinged country estate where he recuperates, enduring various training montages and meditation zones.  Once he regains his strength and hones his lone wolf attitude, total violence ensues as he exacts revenge on those who wronged him.  Then he goes on a vacation.  Directed by Bruce Malmuth.

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    TRAXX (1988)
    Special night!  With Introduction by Shadoe Stevens! Showing Saturday 4/28/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    UPDATE – Since Shadoe Stevens will be in town on 4/28 to present his THE THIEF OF BAGHDAD: RE-IMAGINED project at the Hollywood, we thought it’d be cool if after THIEF we showed TRAXX (in which he stars) as a special late-night Bingo session.  And, he’s sticking around to introduce the movie!  Ok, on to TRAXX:

    There are two things Traxx loves–baking cookies… and killing bad guys.  His dream is to have his own cookie business, but the problem is he’s only good at one of those things (and it’s not the cookies).  This is where the light-hearted cookie-baker-with-a-dream plot turns kind of dark.

    Blonde-maned beefcake Shadoe Stevens is Traxx, an ex-cop, former mercenary who wants to settle down and live the cookie life.  Needing cash to make his cookie dreams a reality, he offers a small, crime-infested town a deal they can’t refuse: hire him to be their “Town Tamer” and he’ll take out their trash… forever (garbage you dump, trash you kill).  His motto is “Be good, be gone, or be dead.”  After teaming up with a rookie and killing about 300 low-lifes, Traxx gets the attention of local crime boss Aldo Palucci (played by Robert Davi, one of the Fratellis who put Chunk’s hand in the blender in The Goonies).  There’s a great scene where he tries one of Traxx’s awful cookies, with explosive results.  He puts out a hit on Traxx, bringing in the Uzi-toting, limo-driving Guzik Brothers, who have been in self-imposed exile in Mexico.  They kidnap the little league baseball team, trying to draw out Traxx, who by this time was living in the woods and wearing a Traxx t-shirt that his partner made for him.  The final showdown ends the only way it could: in an explosion that segues to fireworks and dancing in the streets, under the neon glow of a sign that says “Snaxx by Traxx”.  Directed by Jerome Gary.

    Some Traxx Snaxx


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    Showing Tuesday 4/3/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In HARD TARGET, Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Chance Boudreaux, an out-of-work sailor with a greasy, disgusting mullet.  How he keeps it that wet we never find out.  It’s definitely not from being “out to sea”.  But what we do find out is this: his first name is Chance because “his mama took a chance.”  Also, Wilford Brimley is his unintelligible moonshine-guzzling Cajun uncle.  The movie starts out with a rough-looking dude being hunted through the streets of New Orleans.  A gravelly-voiced sportsman named Emil Fouchon (Lance Henriksen) has been hiring guys out of the local homeless population as moving targets for wealthy men of refined taste.  It turns out the bum has a daughter, who eventually comes looking for him.  She traces him to the seedier parts of town where she meets Chance Boudreaux, and enlists the sweaty, gross-looking Muscles From Brussels to help her out.  The elegant connoisseur of the hunt Emil quickly finds out he’s met his match in the field, and makes the hunter the hunted, and then he becomes the hunted by the hunted he failed to hunt.  Then he is eaten by a hell beast. 

    Be sure to be on the look out for JCVD chewing the rattler off a rattle snake, and a great action sequence that epitomizes the “Blown Away From Explosion” bingo square.  Another curious thing to watch for are all the exploding bullets.  No matter what gets shot, it explodes… traffic cones, lights on police cars, trees, grass… Wilford Brimley.  Directed by John Woo.

    This is one of our favorite JCVD movies.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zAyZff2FuQ