• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: BULLETPROOF

    BulletproofBULLETPROOF (1988)
    Shows Tuesday 1/10/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Imagine this: It’s the mid 1980s.  Cold War paranoia is at its breaking point; secrets wait to be discovered under every rock.  While the western world sleeps in its cocoon of false security, the scales tip to the Dark Side when a secret super-tank, the NBT-90 Thunderblast, is stolen from the US military and taken to …Mexico.  There a grab-bag of assorted Soviet-inspired international terrorists await its arrival and their virtually unstoppable ascent to world domination.  But wait: Enter Frank “BULLETPROOF” McBain!

    Gary Busey stars as Frank “I’M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, BUTTHORN!” McBain, an ex-military virtuoso who has “retired” into police work.  His main skill is getting shot and removing the bullets, keeping them in a jar in his bathroom.  The rest of skills can be added up into one large, more complex, intangible web of skills, called a Hive Skill.  This Hive Skill is his use of the word BUTTHORN as an insult, which happens at least three times in the film.  Note: this is the only movie that has the word BUTTHORN in it.  When Uncle Sam calls McBain back for one last mission, he teams up with his ex-girlfriend, Army officer Devon Shepard, to get the tank back from the evil tantrum-thrower Colonel Kartiff (Henry Silva!!) and …play saxophone on the beach!   Because it’s true that while McBain may be bulletproof, he’s not love proof.  Directed by Steve Carver.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: FIRST ACTION HERO

    First Action HeroFIRST ACTION HERO (1994)
    Showing Tuesday 12/6/2011 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Shit hits the fan when lone wolf veteran cop Mark Fierro (Fabio Testi) is transfered from Tampa back to his old precinct in Miami in order to prevent the local mafia gangs from engaging a full blown gang war.  Fierro and his flamboyant golden-locked partner Hoagy O’Toole (Ron Nummi) stop at nothing to get the job done.  Whether it’s killing everything in their path or spending hours in Fierro’s bare white office containing nothing but a desk and a photo of Bill Clinton on the wall, these two mean business!  To complicate things, Fierro’s teenage daughter from his failed marriage is dumped in his lap unexpectedly and he is suddenly forced to be a father, while simultaneously trying to juggle his relationship with his D.A. girlfriend Lori (played by Marina Giulia Cavalli, who does nothing but protect the people he is after) and deal with his Mafioso Uncle Ben  (Gabriele Ferzetti).

    Packed to the brim with action and boring scenes all set to the same music that sounds like it could have been a contestant for the Wheel of Fortune theme, this film has it all: acting, cinematography and at least two songs. Although this film obviously has nothing in common with Last Action Hero from 1993, you may notice that Mark Fierro is using the same handgun that Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger) used.  So this is like that movie, but FIRST instead!

    This movie has the best theme song.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: NIGHTBEAST

    NightbeastNIGHTBEAST (1982)
    Showing Tuesday 11/01/2011 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Somewhere in the heavens, an out-of-control spaceship careens toward Earth, plunking an asteroid on the way down. It ricochets toward Maryland and crash lands somewhere in the woods. A wet-looking abomination in a shiny silver suit emerges, fully-automatic laser gun in hand. A handful of hicks with guns confront the being and are immediately vaporized. This scene sets up Nightbeast, in which a backwoods cop and his friends fight an alien that terrorizes their small town. Super lo-fi, but in a star-filtered early 80s kind of way. Awesome synth music, a romantic love scene, and tons of lasers and gore. Also vaporizing and mauling. And gore. Directed by Don Dohler.

    Trivia: The musical score on this movie was done by 16-year-old J.J. Abrams, who later went on to create the TV show LOST and direct the excellent film SUPER 8.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: AMERICAN HUNTER

    American HunterAMERICAN HUNTER (1988)
    Showing on Tuesday 10/11/2011 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In American Hunter, Chris Mitchum stars as Jake Carver, an Interpol agent and martial arts expert. While on a mission to recover microfilm that holds information that can destroy Wall Street, he meets an adversary’s secretary and falls in love with her. She is subsequently kidnapped at least four times. His nemesis, Adam (non-contact karate star Bill “Superfoot” Wallace), has a pet falcon and monkey and can often be seen in a sweat suit. This movie is action-packed with plenty of car chases, kidnappings, denim, and Chris Mitchum on a motorcycle. The most boring part is a ten minute helicopter chase that ends in total anti-climax. Directed by Arizal.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: IMMORTAL COMBAT

    IMMORTAL COMBAT (1994)
    Showing Sept 6 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Rowdy Roddy Piper and Sonny Chiba star as Mayan priests reincarnated as L.A. buddy cops on a mission to take out an immortal beefcake sweatpants army. Chiba, in one of his few English-speaking roles (he doesn’t really speak English very well), spends most of the movie in a psychedelic samurai freakout at his house, and then becomes a ninja assassin near the end of the movie. He uses his karate as a weapon. Portland’s own Roddy Rowdy Piper, a cop on vacation in the Bahamas, who occasionally sports a fake southern accent, befriends a journalist who gets kidnapped while investigating an evil corporation that is producing immortal, invincible warriors for international export. The heros eventually face off against American Gladiator star Malibu, who plays an immortal serial killer called the “Signature Killer”, and a couple of ninja extras that wandered onto the set from another movie. Directed by Dan Neira.

    Sonny Chiba is the best!