• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: TOP DOG

     Top DogTOP DOG (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 3/6/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    After zany police dog Reno’s partner gets killed doing surveillance at the docks, he is teamed up with tough cop Jake Wilder (Chuck Norris of FOREST WARRIOR).  Why are they teamed up?  Because they have the same police record, of course!  Indeed, they have the same amount of arrests, the same amount of hero medals, and they’ve each been shot in the line of duty four times.  After this unlikely pairing, the film escalates into the zaniest white supremacy action thriller ever committed to film.  Basically, an underground group of neo-nazis have plans to blow up some kind of important racial unity gathering in order to celebrate Hitler’s birthday.  This seems kind of extreme for a dog-genre movie, but once Jake and Reno catch wind of their plans, they unite to become a two-fisted, four-pawed death squad!  You can expect to see some warehouse fights, a montage of Reno wearing different clothes and sunglasses, shipments of illegal weapons and C4, a gang of assassin clowns and more!  Directed by Aaron Norris (Chuck’s brother).

    COMMENTARY

    TOP DOG was the last Chuck Norris movie to be released in theaters.  By the time this came out in April 1995, the 2nd season of Walker, Texas Ranger was nearing completion, and Norris couldn’t have been less cool to moviegoers.  This film bears the stamp of the team of people that helped him make the Walker series, most notably his brother Aaron who directed numerous episodes.  Thus, it’s made-for-TV look begins to make sense.  Norris’ next movie, FOREST WARRIOR, went straight to video, as did the rest of his films through 2005 (he also did a few TV movies for CBS).  He announced his retirement from movie making after THE CUTTER in 2005, to spend time with his family and write books.  Later this year Chuck will be back on the big screen for his first wide-release movie since TOP DOG in the second installment of THE EXPENDABLES franchise.  Rumor has it that he refused to be in the movie unless the producers of the film agreed to tone down its vulgar, R-rated language (link to article).  The producers agreed, which is weird because who knew that Chuck still pulled so much weight after all these years?

    Footnote: While trying to find out how many episodes of Walker Aaron Norris directed, I saw a trend in his career that I could correlate directly to Chuck’s.  I discovered that Aaron’s directorial debut was BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III from 1988.  He went on to direct every Chuck Norris film after that, and with each we saw Chuck’s career slide closer and closer to the dreaded direct-to-video bin.  The lesson: Hollywood nepotism is rarely always a good thing.

    But enough stuffy analysis.  Here’s the action-packed trailer for the superb film TOP DOG!

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO TRAINING VIDEO – FRIED RICE!

    The new B-Movie Bingo Training Video–Fried Rice! Edition.  Contains more of our favorite Bingo squares!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHHfiHEtpUg

  • Hot!

    Vin Diesel’s vs JCVD’s Facebook Pages

    Lightning vs. Feelings 2012 (click on image)

    Recently we were pleased the discover that some of our favorite action movie stars had facebook pages!  Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, Van Damme, Vin Diesel, Dolph Lundgren…  And not only that, it seemed they updated them personally (well, except for Seagal, whose page sucks).  So, like the good fanboys we are, we had to LIKE every single one of them.

    The one that caught our eye, though, was Vin Diesel’s.  First of all, he calls it VINBOOK.  Not since trolling around Britney Spears’ myspace page have we seen so many white-vignetted inspirational JPG’s.  Contemplative, Introverted, Positive, Sentimental, Motivational, Vaguely Spiritual… he’s a dreamer with 6th grade level photoshop skills.  He’s got feelings.  At first, we thought it must have been made by a fan, but on his website we found the same cheesy (awesome) graphics.  BUT–you have to be a member to view them.  Moving on…

    At around the same time Vin Diesel posted his “I Believe in You” image today (above), Jean Claude Van Damme posted his “JCVD 2012 LIGHTNING WARRIOR” image, which is about a million times cooler, if it’s possible to calculate those kinds of things.  See how he is standing there, ready to fight? Vin Diesel’s image would be way better if he was holding two Uzi’s or being blown away from an explosion.

    SO, if Vin Diesel and Jean-Claude Van Damme’s facebook pages got in a fight, who would win?  We pick Van Damme, because Lightning beats Feelings.

    Is that really a Vin Diesel quote?

  • Hot!

    B-Movie Bingo Training Video – Screaming

    Here’s our training video we cut together, showing examples of some common bingo squares.  This is the 2 minute “Wall to Wall Screaming” version.

  • Hot!

    Chucknology – Chuck Norris Kills Per Movie Graph

    Chucknology: Kills Per Movie
    In the Spring of 2006 we made our CHUCKNOLOGY: KILL COUNTS PER MOVIE graph and presented to a small gathering of friends at one of our first Bingo Nights.  We happened to watch CODE OF SILENCE (1985) that night, actually one of Chuck’s better movies.

    INTERPRETING THE GRAPH

    The chart follows Chuck Norris’ career from 1969-2005.  We broke the graph down by decade, facial hair status, and weapon of choice.  We analyzed kills with different styles of facial hair, kills by decade, kills per movie, and minutes between kills (by decade).

    INTERESTING INFORMATION ONE CAN GLEAN FROM THIS IMAGE

    1) As Norris’ facial hair thickened, so did the diameter of the barrel of his weapon of choice.  Naturally, as his weapon’s barrel increased, so did his kill count.  “As above, so below.”

    2) The 1970s saw him mostly with a mustache with his leg as his weapon of choice.  The 1980s got gratuitous, however.  This is when we saw him begin to wield automatic weapons.  I guess life really does begin at 40.

    3) After Norris hit 50 in 1990, he started with a bang with 29 kills in 1991’s THE HITMAN.  Then he began to mellow as he eased into network television popularity with eight season of Walker: Texas Ranger and a few quasi-spiritual direct-to-video movies.

    Source of graph data: http://www.scms.ca/norr.html