• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: FIRST ACTION HERO

    FIRST ACTION HERO (1994)
    Showing Tuesday 8/1/2017 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Shit hits the fan when lone wolf veteran cop Mark Fierro (Fabio Testi) is transferred from Tampa back to his old precinct in Miami in order to prevent the local mafia gangs from engaging a full blown gang war. Fierro and his flamboyant golden-locked partner Hoagy O’Toole (Ron Nummi) stop at nothing to get the job done. Whether it’s killing everything in their path or spending hours in Fierro’s bare white office containing nothing but a desk and a photo of Bill Clinton on the wall, these two mean business! To complicate things, Fierro’s teenage daughter from his failed marriage is dumped in his lap unexpectedly and he is suddenly forced to be a father, while simultaneously trying to juggle his relationship with his D.A. girlfriend Lori (played by Marina Giulia Cavalli, who does nothing but protect the people he is after) and deal with his Mafioso Uncle Ben (Gabriele Ferzetti).

    Packed to the brim with action and boring scenes all set to the same music that sounds like it could have been a contestant for the Wheel of Fortune theme, this film has it all: acting, cinematography and at least two songs. Although this film obviously has nothing in common with Last Action Hero from 1993, you may notice that Mark Fierro is using the same handgun that Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger) used. So this is like that movie, but FIRST instead!

    This movie has the best theme song.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: LADY DRAGON

    LADY DRAGON (1992)
    Showing Wednesday 7/5/2017 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Kathy Gallager (Cynthia Rothrock) is out to avenge her husband’s killer. Captured by her enemy, she is left for dead, until an old master heals her body and spirit with care and wisdom. He teachers her unorthodox techniques – the ways of the dragon and creates and invincible fighting machine – A LADY DRAGON.

    Equipped with this new force, she sets a showdown with her nemesis. It gives her the opportunity for revenge and above all, her last chance to prove herself. She is out to seek revenge the only way she knows. Directed by David Worth (RAPTOR ISLAND, NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE).

    Check out the trailer:

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: MAGIC COP

    MAGIC COP (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 6/6/2017 at The Hollywood Theatre

    MAGIC COP stars cult movie hero Lam Ching-Ying as Uncle Feng, a unibrowed super-priest-cop who fights evil using his supernatural detective skills. 

    In MAGIC COP, the local police are baffled by a woman who wouldn’t die when they shot her (she only died after being hit by a dump truck and crushed against a parked car). They call in Uncle Feng to investigate, having heard rumors of his supernatural detective techniques. He’s totally next-level, but is teamed up with a rookie because of a beef with the chief (he’s something of a lone wolf). Turns out a mysterious witch is re-animating corpses and using them to smuggle drugs, and it’s up to Uncle Feng to discover her hideout and put an end to her desecration of all that is holy.

    This film is vaguely related to the late 80s Hong Kong “Mr. Vampire” franchise, in which Ying plays a unibrowed super-priest… who fights evil (aka hopping vampire zombies). MAGIC COP is the same basic story in a modern setting (minus the hopping), with Ying transposing this iconic character into a new, but similar character (even down to the crazy eyebrows). Ying actually got typecast in this kind of role, and there are probably other movies where he’s got a unibrow, is a priest, and fights evil.  Directed by Stephen Tung.

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: ESCAPE FROM L.A.

    ESCAPE FROM L.A. (1996)
    Showing Tuesday 5/2/2017 at The Hollywood Theatre

    The man with the patch is back. Call him Snake. Kurt Russell rejoins filmmakers John Carpenter and Debra Hill to do to the Big Orange what they did to the Big Apple in ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK — with even more futuristic thrills and slam-bang action!
     
    Into the 9.6-quaked Los Angeles of 2013 comes Snake Plissken (Russell). His job: wade through L.A.’s ruined landmarks to retrieve a doomsday device. Don’t miss the excitement as Snake surfs Wilshire Blvd., shoots hoops at the Coliseum, dive bombs the Happy Kingdom theme park, and mixes it up with a wild assortment of friends, fiends and foes (Stacy Keach, Steve Buscemi, Peter Fonda, George Corraface, Cliff Robertson, Pam Grier and more). 
     
    Directed by John Carpenter (THEY LIVE, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA)
     

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: TOP DOG

    TOP DOG (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 4/4/2017 at The Hollywood Theatre

    After zany police dog Reno’s partner gets killed doing surveillance at the docks, he is teamed up with tough cop Jake Wilder (Chuck Norris of FOREST WARRIOR).  Why are they teamed up?  Because they have the same police record, of course!  Indeed, they have the same amount of arrests, the same amount of hero medals, and they’ve each been shot in the line of duty four times.  After this unlikely pairing, the film escalates into the zaniest white supremacy action thriller ever committed to film.  Basically, an underground group of neo-nazis have plans to blow up some kind of important racial unity gathering in order to celebrate Hitler’s birthday.  This seems kind of extreme for a dog-genre movie, but once Jake and Reno catch wind of their plans, they unite to become a two-fisted, four-pawed death squad!  You can expect to see some warehouse fights, a montage of Reno wearing different clothes and sunglasses, shipments of illegal weapons and C4, a gang of assassin clowns and more!  Directed by Aaron Norris (Chuck’s brother).

    COMMENTARY

    TOP DOG was the last Chuck Norris movie to be released in theaters.  By the time this came out in April 1995, the 2nd season of Walker, Texas Ranger was nearing completion, and Norris couldn’t have been less cool to moviegoers.  This film bears the stamp of the team of people that helped him make the Walker series, most notably his brother Aaron who directed numerous episodes.  Thus, it’s made-for-TV look begins to make sense.  Norris’ next movie, FOREST WARRIOR, went straight to video, as did the rest of his films through 2005 (he also did a few TV movies for CBS).  He announced his retirement from movie making after THE CUTTER in 2005, to spend time with his family and write books.  Later this year Chuck will be back on the big screen for his first wide-release movie since TOP DOG in the second installment of THE EXPENDABLES franchise.  Rumor has it that he refused to be in the movie unless the producers of the film agreed to tone down its vulgar, R-rated language (link to article).  The producers agreed, which is weird because who knew that Chuck still pulled so much weight after all these years?

    Footnote: While trying to find out how many episodes of Walker Aaron Norris directed, I saw a trend in his career that I could correlate directly to Chuck’s.  I discovered that Aaron’s directorial debut was BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III from 1988.  He went on to direct every Chuck Norris film after that, and with each we saw Chuck’s career slide closer and closer to the dreaded direct-to-video bin.  The lesson: Hollywood nepotism is always a good thing.

    But enough stuffy analysis.  Here’s the action-packed trailer for the superb film TOP DOG!