• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: IMMORTAL COMBAT

    IMMORTAL COMBAT (1994)
    Showing Sept 6 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Rowdy Roddy Piper and Sonny Chiba star as Mayan priests reincarnated as L.A. buddy cops on a mission to take out an immortal beefcake sweatpants army. Chiba, in one of his few English-speaking roles (he doesn’t really speak English very well), spends most of the movie in a psychedelic samurai freakout at his house, and then becomes a ninja assassin near the end of the movie. He uses his karate as a weapon. Portland’s own Roddy Rowdy Piper, a cop on vacation in the Bahamas, who occasionally sports a fake southern accent, befriends a journalist who gets kidnapped while investigating an evil corporation that is producing immortal, invincible warriors for international export. The heros eventually face off against American Gladiator star Malibu, who plays an immortal serial killer called the “Signature Killer”, and a couple of ninja extras that wandered onto the set from another movie. Directed by Dan Neira.

    Sonny Chiba is the best!

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: THE STABILIZER

    The StabilizerTHE STABILIZER (1984)
    Showing August 8 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In The Stabilizer, Peter Goldson is literally “The Stabilizer”, a tough American agent sent around the world to stabilize unstable situations. He is sent to Jakarta, where a famous scientist who developed a Narcotics Detector has been kidnapped. Up against him is a drug smuggling ring run by his arch-enemy Greg Rainmaker, an evil drug lord who once killed Goldson’s fiancee with his spiked shoes. In a flashback the filmmakers tastefully show this, and while it’s happening you see a framed photo of Goldson on the wall, in a black net shirt posing with a gun. He looks like a cross between Sylvester Stallone and Brian May. Be on the lookout for actual consumption of live reptiles, and weird editing decisions during the climax of the film. Directed by Arizal.

    This movie has an awesome soundtrack.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: SAMURAI COP

    Samurai CopSAMURAI COP (1989)
    Showing July 11th at The Hollywood Theatre

    The Japanese Katana Gang have a death grip on the city of Los Angeles, and who better to deal with the problem than Joe Marshall, the “Samurai Cop”. Matt Hannon, who was once Sylvester Stallone’s personal bodyguard, stars in the title role. This is a man that looks like a Dorito. For half of the movie, he wears a woman’s wig with a baseball hat because he got a haircut during production. And regarding his police work: let’s just say… he can “read eyes”. Robert Z’dar co-stars as the evil samurai henchman bent on taking out Marshall. His beard obscures his enormous jaw. Be ready for burning humans, severed limbs, gun and sword fights, and lots of long awkward love scenes. Join Joe “The Samurai” Marshall and his sidekick Frank as they take on the minions of the crime underworld. Written and directed by Amir Shervan.

    Here’s a clip of Fujiyama’s speech, berating and challenging his henchmen.