• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: HARD TARGET

    HARD TARGETHARD TARGET (1993)
    Showing Tuesday 4/3/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In HARD TARGET, Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Chance Boudreaux, an out-of-work sailor with a greasy, disgusting mullet.  How he keeps it that wet we never find out.  It’s definitely not from being “out to sea”.  But what we do find out is this: his first name is Chance because “his mama took a chance.”  Also, Wilford Brimley is his unintelligible moonshine-guzzling Cajun uncle.  The movie starts out with a rough-looking dude being hunted through the streets of New Orleans.  A gravelly-voiced sportsman named Emil Fouchon (Lance Henriksen) has been hiring guys out of the local homeless population as moving targets for wealthy men of refined taste.  It turns out the bum has a daughter, who eventually comes looking for him.  She traces him to the seedier parts of town where she meets Chance Boudreaux, and enlists the sweaty, gross-looking Muscles From Brussels to help her out.  The elegant connoisseur of the hunt Emil quickly finds out he’s met his match in the field, and makes the hunter the hunted, and then he becomes the hunted by the hunted he failed to hunt.  Then he is eaten by a hell beast. 

    Be sure to be on the look out for JCVD chewing the rattler off a rattle snake, and a great action sequence that epitomizes the “Blown Away From Explosion” bingo square.  Another curious thing to watch for are all the exploding bullets.  No matter what gets shot, it explodes… traffic cones, lights on police cars, trees, grass… Wilford Brimley.  Directed by John Woo.

    This is one of our favorite JCVD movies.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zAyZff2FuQ

     

     

  • Hot!

    “Bitches, come!”

    Here’s a good example of a BLANK SQUARE from the movie XXX starring Vin Diesel.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: TOP DOG

     Top DogTOP DOG (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 3/6/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    After zany police dog Reno’s partner gets killed doing surveillance at the docks, he is teamed up with tough cop Jake Wilder (Chuck Norris of FOREST WARRIOR).  Why are they teamed up?  Because they have the same police record, of course!  Indeed, they have the same amount of arrests, the same amount of hero medals, and they’ve each been shot in the line of duty four times.  After this unlikely pairing, the film escalates into the zaniest white supremacy action thriller ever committed to film.  Basically, an underground group of neo-nazis have plans to blow up some kind of important racial unity gathering in order to celebrate Hitler’s birthday.  This seems kind of extreme for a dog-genre movie, but once Jake and Reno catch wind of their plans, they unite to become a two-fisted, four-pawed death squad!  You can expect to see some warehouse fights, a montage of Reno wearing different clothes and sunglasses, shipments of illegal weapons and C4, a gang of assassin clowns and more!  Directed by Aaron Norris (Chuck’s brother).

    COMMENTARY

    TOP DOG was the last Chuck Norris movie to be released in theaters.  By the time this came out in April 1995, the 2nd season of Walker, Texas Ranger was nearing completion, and Norris couldn’t have been less cool to moviegoers.  This film bears the stamp of the team of people that helped him make the Walker series, most notably his brother Aaron who directed numerous episodes.  Thus, it’s made-for-TV look begins to make sense.  Norris’ next movie, FOREST WARRIOR, went straight to video, as did the rest of his films through 2005 (he also did a few TV movies for CBS).  He announced his retirement from movie making after THE CUTTER in 2005, to spend time with his family and write books.  Later this year Chuck will be back on the big screen for his first wide-release movie since TOP DOG in the second installment of THE EXPENDABLES franchise.  Rumor has it that he refused to be in the movie unless the producers of the film agreed to tone down its vulgar, R-rated language (link to article).  The producers agreed, which is weird because who knew that Chuck still pulled so much weight after all these years?

    Footnote: While trying to find out how many episodes of Walker Aaron Norris directed, I saw a trend in his career that I could correlate directly to Chuck’s.  I discovered that Aaron’s directorial debut was BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III from 1988.  He went on to direct every Chuck Norris film after that, and with each we saw Chuck’s career slide closer and closer to the dreaded direct-to-video bin.  The lesson: Hollywood nepotism is rarely always a good thing.

    But enough stuffy analysis.  Here’s the action-packed trailer for the superb film TOP DOG!

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: ANGEL OF FURY

    B-Movie Bingo: Angel of FuryANGEL OF FURY (1992)
    Showing Tuesday 2/7/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Hell has no fury… like a security firm courier scorned!   International martial arts star Cynthia Rothrock is Nancy Bolan, whose sole mission is to deliver a top-secret computer for a large security organization.  Housed within a silver briefcase, the computer’s purpose is unknown.  Enter “Bolt” (aka “Zartan”), who is referred to as “The Terrorist Who Strikes Like Lightning“.  He also happens to be a master of disguise and a beefcake.  It turns out that he wants the computer too, and is hot on Nancy’s trail, intercepting her multiple ingenious, and yet failure-prone delivery attempts.  The venerable Peter O’Brian, best known for his career-defining roles as The Stabilizer and Rambu, chews up the scenery as Bolt, in his sixth and final film role before returning to his previous life as an English teacher.

    Rothrock is in top form as a tough, “I’m gonna kill you”, no-nonsense agent.  Things to watch out for include: a post-computer delivery failure shopping spree, Rothrock’s insane, indescribable kick from a dirt bike through a van’s windshield (and then back again), bizarre editing and dialogue, guys who don’t know how to hold guns, and Peter O’Brian’s face.  This movie is PURE BINGO!!!!

    One thing that we like about this movie is that the screenplay was written by Chris Mitchum, son of Robert Mitchum!

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: BULLETPROOF

    BulletproofBULLETPROOF (1988)
    Shows Tuesday 1/10/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Imagine this: It’s the mid 1980s.  Cold War paranoia is at its breaking point; secrets wait to be discovered under every rock.  While the western world sleeps in its cocoon of false security, the scales tip to the Dark Side when a secret super-tank, the NBT-90 Thunderblast, is stolen from the US military and taken to …Mexico.  There a grab-bag of assorted Soviet-inspired international terrorists await its arrival and their virtually unstoppable ascent to world domination.  But wait: Enter Frank “BULLETPROOF” McBain!

    Gary Busey stars as Frank “I’M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, BUTTHORN!” McBain, an ex-military virtuoso who has “retired” into police work.  His main skill is getting shot and removing the bullets, keeping them in a jar in his bathroom.  The rest of skills can be added up into one large, more complex, intangible web of skills, called a Hive Skill.  This Hive Skill is his use of the word BUTTHORN as an insult, which happens at least three times in the film.  Note: this is the only movie that has the word BUTTHORN in it.  When Uncle Sam calls McBain back for one last mission, he teams up with his ex-girlfriend, Army officer Devon Shepard, to get the tank back from the evil tantrum-thrower Colonel Kartiff (Henry Silva!!) and …play saxophone on the beach!   Because it’s true that while McBain may be bulletproof, he’s not love proof.  Directed by Steve Carver.