• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: CYBER-TRACKER 2

    Cybertracker2_webCYBER-TRACKER 2 (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 9/3/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    This film is kind of hard to explain. The film stars world kickboxing champion Don “The Dragon” Wilson (Futurekick, Bloodfist 1 through 8) as a futuristic cop and Jim Maniaci (Cybertracker 1, Hologram Man) as some kind of cyber-tracker thing. “The Dragon” doesn’t actually do any martial arts in this movie, so we’re just going to have to accept the world kickboxing champion claim from the back of the VHS box. One could say that the movie is essentially a re-telling of the classic 1987 sci-fi masterpiece Robocop, with the exception that in this film, rather than turning the shattered body of a cop into a multi-million dollar cyborg crime fighting unit, the police force simply bought a bunch of shiny silver crap from Radio Shack and glued it onto him. One could say that, but it would be a lie.

    In CYBER-TRACKER 2, “The Dragon” returns to reprise his role as Eric Phillips, a cop who battles an underground crime lord who is bent on replacing him and his reporter wife with look-alike robots… so that they can continue with their larger scheme of replacing all the politicians with robots… so they can rule the world. Well, you know what they say: “Good ideas make great movies.” (or so I have read). The cyborg guy is actually a pointless side character, and he’s on the poster because nobody knows who Don “The Dragon” Wilson is. This movie is actually about a bunch of random people crashing cars into things, running from explosions, and shooting at each other with futuristic guns. To quote the official tagline of the movie: IT’S CREATORS DO NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW THEY HAVE ACHIEVED THE NEXT LEVEL!

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: LONE WOLF MCQUADE

    lonewolfposter_webLONE WOLF MCQUADE (1983)
    Showing Tuesday 8/6/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In the 1983 film LONE WOLF MCQUADE Chuck Norris stars as J.J. McQuade a Texas Ranger who loves beer, hates food, and lives in the desert with his pet wolf (which kind of undermines the “lone wolf” thing). He faces off against Rawley Wilkes (David Carradine), who is the world karate champion and a nefarious arms dealer (because karate doesn’t pay the bills). He also has to face a really immature disabled dwarf, who also happens to be an arms dealer. We’re not sure why. This film was directed by Steve Carver (1975’s CAPONE) and later inspired “Walker, Texas Ranger”, which was unfortunately directed by Chuck Norris’ brother. This film is reminiscent of a great Sergio Leone spaghetti western and represents the possibilities of what could have been, rather than the harsh reality of watching eight seasons of “Walker”.  This is one of the archetypal films that B-movie Bingo is based on, and features several movie cliches that we decided were way too offensive to include in the final version of the game – see if you can spot them! (Hint: look for the disabled dwarf villain that doesn’t fit into the plot.)

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY: SAMURAI COP

    SamuraiCop_UpdateSAMURAI COP (1989)
    Showing July 2nd at The Hollywood Theatre

    It’s the 2 Year Anniversary of B-Movie Bingo!  And to commemorate this solemn event, we’re re-showing our favorite movie, SAMURAI COP. It’s 1989, and the Japanese Katana Gang have a death grip on the city of Los Angeles. Who better to deal with the problem than Joe Marshall, the “Samurai Cop”? Matt Hannon, who was once Sylvester Stallone’s personal bodyguard, stars in the title role. This is a man that looks like a Dorito. For half of the movie, he wears a woman’s wig with a baseball hat because he got a haircut during production. And regarding his police work: let’s just say… he can “read eyes”. Robert Z’dar co-stars as the evil samurai henchman bent on taking out Marshall. His beard obscures his enormous jaw. Be ready for burning humans, severed limbs, gun and sword fights, and lots of long awkward love scenes. Join Joe “The Samurai” Marshall and his sidekick Frank as they take on the minions of the crime underworld. Written and directed by Amir Shervan.

    Here’s a montage of some clips.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: BODY COUNT

    body_count_WEBBODY COUNT (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 6/4/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    There’s at least four movies called BODY COUNT from roughly the same time period as this movie, and of the four, this might be the best. It has it all, including (for the genre) a top-notch cast–Sonny Chiba, Brigitte Nielsen, Jan-Michael Vincent, and Robert Davi. The charmingly unintelligible Chiba plays Makato, a lethal hit man who ends up in prison as the result of a deal-gone-wrong, and Brigitte Nielsen plays his girlfriend who busts him out (in a send-up of a scene from COOL HAND LUKE). Together they set out on a mission of revenge to kill the dirty cop that set him up to “take the fall” or whatever it was that happened.

    Robert Davi plays Eddie Cook, a no-nonsense cop who ends up in Makato’s crosshairs as he slices, shoots and pokes his way through the police force. It’s up to him to stop the slaughter, before he’s the only cop left on earth. Little is his desire to become “Omega Cop”.

    The weird thing about this movie is that the casting is all backwards: Sonny Chiba is the bad guy, and Robert Davi is the good guy!  We’re used to seeing Sonny Chiba playing heros in classic movies like KARATE BULLFIGHTER and IMMORTAL COMBAT, so it’s weird to see him blow away a prison guard, point blank in the face with a shotgun. Robert Davi usually plays some kind of mafioso heavy, like the older Fratelli brother in THE GOONIES or the bad guy in TRAXX. The first thirty minutes of the movie is sort of confusing if you don’t pick up on that. Directed by Talun Hsu.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: OMEGA COP

    Omega Cop (1990)OMEGA COP (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 5/7/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    The year is 1999.  In a desolate future world devastated by global warming, Ron Marchini is Special Policeman John Travis.  He is Omega Cop, the last (and thus, the toughest) cop alive.  He drives a Jeep, listens to surf music, and lives in a baseball dugout.

    While on a routine mission to bust up a sex slave auction run by Wraith and his nasty gang of Scavs, Travis’ team is wiped out.  The last man standing, he seeks cover and is able to escape during a solar flare.  Solar flares occur without warning, and exposure is known to make people go insane.  To make things worse, the insanity is also somehow contagious.  As a result, his boss, played by a profusely sweating Adam West, refuses to let him back in the police compound, fearing further infection.

    Travis, now with two scantily clad women in tow, decides to make a run for Montana, where the air and water are still clean.  On the run from some Scavs, they hide out for the night in Travis’ space-age bachelor pad–a baseball dugout with a human skeleton in it.  Other major plot points involve Omega Cop beating up some Scavs who stole his baseball cap (“That’s my hat!”), and a brief appearance by Stuart Whitman as the Omega Doctor.  Troy Donahue also has a short scene as the father of one of the women, but gets shot in the heart and dies.

    It’s hard to know what to say about this one–you just have to see it to believe it.  What other movie can you think of that begins with a doomsday warning voiceover from Adam West and then goes straight to faux surf music over the credits?   Directed by Paul Kyriazi, creator of “Live the James Bond Lifestyle” seminar.