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    B-MOVIE BINGO 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY: SAMURAI COP

    SamuraiCop_UpdateSAMURAI COP (1989)
    Showing July 2nd at The Hollywood Theatre

    It’s the 2 Year Anniversary of B-Movie Bingo!  And to commemorate this solemn event, we’re re-showing our favorite movie, SAMURAI COP. It’s 1989, and the Japanese Katana Gang have a death grip on the city of Los Angeles. Who better to deal with the problem than Joe Marshall, the “Samurai Cop”? Matt Hannon, who was once Sylvester Stallone’s personal bodyguard, stars in the title role. This is a man that looks like a Dorito. For half of the movie, he wears a woman’s wig with a baseball hat because he got a haircut during production. And regarding his police work: let’s just say… he can “read eyes”. Robert Z’dar co-stars as the evil samurai henchman bent on taking out Marshall. His beard obscures his enormous jaw. Be ready for burning humans, severed limbs, gun and sword fights, and lots of long awkward love scenes. Join Joe “The Samurai” Marshall and his sidekick Frank as they take on the minions of the crime underworld. Written and directed by Amir Shervan.

    Here’s a montage of some clips.

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    B-MOVIE BINGO: BODY COUNT

    body_count_WEBBODY COUNT (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 6/4/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    There’s at least four movies called BODY COUNT from roughly the same time period as this movie, and of the four, this might be the best. It has it all, including (for the genre) a top-notch cast–Sonny Chiba, Brigitte Nielsen, Jan-Michael Vincent, and Robert Davi. The charmingly unintelligible Chiba plays Makato, a lethal hit man who ends up in prison as the result of a deal-gone-wrong, and Brigitte Nielsen plays his girlfriend who busts him out (in a send-up of a scene from COOL HAND LUKE). Together they set out on a mission of revenge to kill the dirty cop that set him up to “take the fall” or whatever it was that happened.

    Robert Davi plays Eddie Cook, a no-nonsense cop who ends up in Makato’s crosshairs as he slices, shoots and pokes his way through the police force. It’s up to him to stop the slaughter, before he’s the only cop left on earth. Little is his desire to become “Omega Cop”.

    The weird thing about this movie is that the casting is all backwards: Sonny Chiba is the bad guy, and Robert Davi is the good guy!  We’re used to seeing Sonny Chiba playing heros in classic movies like KARATE BULLFIGHTER and IMMORTAL COMBAT, so it’s weird to see him blow away a prison guard, point blank in the face with a shotgun. Robert Davi usually plays some kind of mafioso heavy, like the older Fratelli brother in THE GOONIES or the bad guy in TRAXX. The first thirty minutes of the movie is sort of confusing if you don’t pick up on that. Directed by Talun Hsu.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: OMEGA COP

    Omega Cop (1990)OMEGA COP (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 5/7/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    The year is 1999.  In a desolate future world devastated by global warming, Ron Marchini is Special Policeman John Travis.  He is Omega Cop, the last (and thus, the toughest) cop alive.  He drives a Jeep, listens to surf music, and lives in a baseball dugout.

    While on a routine mission to bust up a sex slave auction run by Wraith and his nasty gang of Scavs, Travis’ team is wiped out.  The last man standing, he seeks cover and is able to escape during a solar flare.  Solar flares occur without warning, and exposure is known to make people go insane.  To make things worse, the insanity is also somehow contagious.  As a result, his boss, played by a profusely sweating Adam West, refuses to let him back in the police compound, fearing further infection.

    Travis, now with two scantily clad women in tow, decides to make a run for Montana, where the air and water are still clean.  On the run from some Scavs, they hide out for the night in Travis’ space-age bachelor pad–a baseball dugout with a human skeleton in it.  Other major plot points involve Omega Cop beating up some Scavs who stole his baseball cap (“That’s my hat!”), and a brief appearance by Stuart Whitman as the Omega Doctor.  Troy Donahue also has a short scene as the father of one of the women, but gets shot in the heart and dies.

    It’s hard to know what to say about this one–you just have to see it to believe it.  What other movie can you think of that begins with a doomsday warning voiceover from Adam West and then goes straight to faux surf music over the credits?   Directed by Paul Kyriazi, creator of “Live the James Bond Lifestyle” seminar.

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    B-MOVIE BINGO: ROBOCOP 2

    RoboCop 2ROBOCOP 2 (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 4/2/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Taking place shortly after the events of the original, ROBOCOP 2 opens with scenes of Detroit in chaos. OCP (the evil corporation that owns the police and made RoboCop) has eliminated the police force’s pensions, and the police have gone on strike. Crime is running rampant, and a potent, highly addictive new designer drug called “Nuke” has hit the streets. Before moving on to key plot points, it’s worth noting that “Nuke” is probably the most awesome fake movie drug name we’ve come across, except for “White Buffalo”, which was featured in an episode of “Walker, Texas Ranger” called “White Buffalo” (Season 9, Episode 3).

    OCP has a plan: their aim is to bankrupt the city of Detroit and take it over, and rename it “Delta City“. That’s not a very cool-sounding name. The city’s inhabitants would be under their control, enslaved by Nuke and kept in check by a force of new RoboCops with the brains of psychopaths, who in turn are controlled by their intense lust for Nuke. Right.

    Sounds like a feasible plan–if they can just get RoboCop out of the way! Peter Weller and Nancy Allen reprise their roles as cyborg cop and partner, and take on the mean streets in search of Cain, the drug lord peddling the Nuke to a hapless, poverty-riddled Detroit of the future. RoboCop eventually finds him making Nuke in his compound, and in one of the most harrowing robot vs. magnet fights ever captured on film, RoboCop is disassembled in a way that would make Number 5 weep… and then do Nuke with Stephanie.

    After his debacle with Cain, RoboCop is rebuilt but deemed obsolete–relegated to public relations. He’s replaced by a massive new monstrosity called “RoboCop 2” that houses the brain of Cain, who by now has died in a car wreck. However, Robo-Cain is still is addicted to Nuke, and goes on an insane shooting spree trying to get his fix. So, RoboCop gives it to him. Directed by Irvin Kershner (The Empire Strikes Back, Seaquest DSV).

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    B-MOVIE BINGO: MAGIC COP

    Hollywood030513MAGIC COP (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 3/5/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    MAGIC COP stars cult movie hero Lam Ching Ying as Uncle Feng, a unibrowed super-priest-cop who fights evil using his supernatural detective skills. Now, that should tell you all you need to know about the movie, and that it’s essential viewing for any person alive in the 21st Century. But there’s more. A lot more. The first thing to remember is this is not David Copperfield magic, or even Job Bluth “illusions”. Uncle Feng wields bizarre powers that are as wildly entertaining as they are completely confusing.

    In MAGIC COP, the local police are baffled by a woman who wouldn’t die when they shot her (she only died after being hit by a dump truck and crushed against a parked car). They call in Uncle Feng to investigate, having heard rumors of his supernatural detective techniques. He’s totally next-level, but is teamed up with a rookie because of a beef with the chief (he’s something of a lone wolf). Turns out a mysterious witch is re-animating corpses and using them to smuggle drugs, and it’s up to Uncle Feng to discover her hideout and put an end to her desecration of all that is holy.

    This film is vaguely related to the late 80s Hong Kong “Mr. Vampire” franchise, in which Ying plays a unibrowed super-priest… who fights evil (aka hopping vampire zombies). MAGIC COP is the same basic story in a modern setting (minus the hopping), with Ying transposing this iconic character into a new, but similar character (even down to the crazy eyebrows). Ying actually got typecast in this kind of role, and there are probably other movies where he’s got a unibrow, is a priest, and fights evil.  Directed by Stephen Tung.