• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: DEAD HEAT

    Dead Heat (1988)DEAD HEAT (1988)
    Showing Tuesday 1/7/2014 at The Hollywood Theatre

    DEAD HEAT has got everything that’s great about 80s movies: a funny “science gone wrong” plot, over-the-top violence, insane shooting rampages, zany buddy cop humor, an ailing Vincent Price in a cameo role, and Treat Williams in his prime (before he took a permanent vacation to TV movie land). It’s the classic story of unstoppable undead bad guys, and the undead cops who waste them with Uzis.

    Treat Williams (DEEP RISING, GALE FORCE) plays Roger Mortis, an LAPD detective, and Joe Piscopo (SNL, SIDEKICKS) is Doug Bigelow, his wise-cracking, smart ass sidekick. Even though Piscopo is a human punchline these days, here we see him at his late-80s roided-out best. He’s a total beefcake. The script provides plenty of zingers for Piscopo to fire off, and zing he does. A lot.

    The story revolves around an evil corporation that is re-animating corpses and using them to rob jewelry stores (among other less savory things). When Mortis and Bigelow begin to investigate, Mortis is killed and then re-animated Frankenstein-style in a secret resurrection chamber. Pissed off that he’s dead, he vows to get revenge on the people who did this to him — but he’s only got 12 hours before his re-animated flesh begins to dissolve into a primordial stew! Directed by Mark Goldblatt.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: ZERO TOLERANCE

    zerotolerance_WEB_RESZERO TOLERANCE (1994)
    Showing Tuesday 12/3/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In a rare “non-liquid robot” turn for Robert Patrick (TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY), here he plays a regular guy–FBI agent Jeff Douglas. Douglas and his team are sent down to Mexico to apprehend Manta, a drug lord who is purported to have ties with the White Hand cartel. They’re distributing a new kind of highly-addictive liquid heroin, and the FBI is working hard to eradicate it from the streets.

    The assignment quickly goes to hell as his partners all get killed in an ambush, along with his wife and family back in Los Angeles. Leading the White Hand is not Saruman (as you may have thought), but a greasy, pony-tailed man named Vitch, played my Mick Fleetwood (yes, that Mick Fleetwood). ‘Tis Mick Fleetwood of Many Colours! I suppose the assumption here is that to have an evil character in a movie, you need to cast an actual evil person–someone into deep wizardry, perhaps. It worked… but not for long! “For there can only be one Lord of the Rings”, as Manta soon learns.

    After being taken prisoner and forced to be a drug mule for the cartel, Douglas escapes and learns of his family’s demise. Wrong answer, Mr. Fleetwood. One by one, the members of the White Hand become dust in the trail of Douglas’ stagecoach of vengeance. Directed by Joseph Merhi.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: CYCLONE

    Cyclone_webCYCLONE (1987)
    Showing Tuesday 11/5/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    CYCLONE is the age-old tale of a futuristic motorcycle and the bad people who want to steal the technology behind its infinite power source. The story revolves around Teri Marshall (Heather Thomas from TV’s “The Fall Guy”–and no relation to Joe “Samurai Cop” Marshall) and her inventor boyfriend Rick (Jeffrey Combs of RE-ANIMATOR), who has built a top-secret motorcycle for the government. It’s got armor, lasers, missiles and a never-ending power source that turns hydrogen from the air into energy. Perfect for road trips in a post-apocalyptic land where fuel is scarce.

    After ignoring a death threat, Rick agrees to go dancing at a punk club with Teri, where he is immediately ice-picked in the head and killed (not a spoiler–it happens early in the film). From this point on, Teri can trust no one and must protect the bike from the greedy men (and one woman) who want to steal it. The bankroller of these evildoers is a fellow who goes by the dubious name of Bosarian, played by Martin Landau. Not sure why he’s in this one, but it’s always fun to see him pop up in these low-rent 80s movies. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for a baffling appearance by Troy Donahue; it may be the best scene in the entire movie. Directed by Fred Olen Ray.


    Cyclone 12
    Cyclone 8

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: CLASS OF 1999

    Classof1999CLASS OF 1999 (1990)
    Showing Tuesday 10/1/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Basically, this is a great movie. It’s set in Seattle in 1999, in a “future” in which cities are post-apocalyptic war zones and high schools have guard towers, kind of like prisons. The high school principal, played by Malcolm McDowell (A CLOCKWORK ORANGE) hires a man with creepy white eyes and a white mullet pulled into a rat tail to straighten the school out with his crew of human-like android teachers. This odd man is portrayed by Stacy Keach (PREY OF THE JAGUAR – awesome), and there is a wonderful scene in which he seductively eats a banana while staring at the camera. This scene alone is worth the price of admission.

    It’s one of those movies in which technology seems to offer a solution, but ends up turning on the humans. The inevitable happens of course, as the androids–rather, “battledroids” as Keach calls them–run amuck and start offing students during class. The hero of this movie is a kid who just got out of prison named Cody, whose coke-sniffing little brother is the weird kid from NEAR DARK. He’s the leader of the Blackhearts, one of the gangs at the school. They drive around in battle cars straight out of MAD MAX. Their main rivals are called the Razorheadz (that’s right, with a “z”). Upon his re-entry into student life, Cody figures out that something is amiss when he watches the gym teacher zestfully snap his friend’s neck after class. The two rival gangs team up to stop the teachers and their bizarre behavior (one of the robo-teachers spanks not one, but two students to death), and naturally, everything goes to hell.

    An aside: One of the android teachers is played by legendary blaxploitation queen Pam Grier (WOMEN IN CAGES, FOXY BROWN). It’s not often you get to see Grier playing an out-of-control robot, aka Robo-Grier. Like in ROBOCOP and CYBERTRACKER 2, we are allowed to see what the robot sees, as they assess the situation and list their directives on their viewfinder to decide what to do. In Robo-Grier’s case, her disciplinary options include “KARATE MOVES” and “PUNCHES”. Needless to say, she beats the hell out of some future punks. Directed by Mark Lester.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: CYBER-TRACKER 2

    Cybertracker2_webCYBER-TRACKER 2 (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 9/3/2013 at The Hollywood Theatre

    This film is kind of hard to explain. The film stars world kickboxing champion Don “The Dragon” Wilson (Futurekick, Bloodfist 1 through 8) as a futuristic cop and Jim Maniaci (Cybertracker 1, Hologram Man) as some kind of cyber-tracker thing. “The Dragon” doesn’t actually do any martial arts in this movie, so we’re just going to have to accept the world kickboxing champion claim from the back of the VHS box. One could say that the movie is essentially a re-telling of the classic 1987 sci-fi masterpiece Robocop, with the exception that in this film, rather than turning the shattered body of a cop into a multi-million dollar cyborg crime fighting unit, the police force simply bought a bunch of shiny silver crap from Radio Shack and glued it onto him. One could say that, but it would be a lie.

    In CYBER-TRACKER 2, “The Dragon” returns to reprise his role as Eric Phillips, a cop who battles an underground crime lord who is bent on replacing him and his reporter wife with look-alike robots… so that they can continue with their larger scheme of replacing all the politicians with robots… so they can rule the world. Well, you know what they say: “Good ideas make great movies.” (or so I have read). The cyborg guy is actually a pointless side character, and he’s on the poster because nobody knows who Don “The Dragon” Wilson is. This movie is actually about a bunch of random people crashing cars into things, running from explosions, and shooting at each other with futuristic guns. To quote the official tagline of the movie: IT’S CREATORS DO NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW THEY HAVE ACHIEVED THE NEXT LEVEL!