• Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: TRAXX

    TRAXX

    TRAXX (1988)
    Special night!  With Introduction by Shadoe Stevens! Showing Saturday 4/28/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    UPDATE – Since Shadoe Stevens will be in town on 4/28 to present his THE THIEF OF BAGHDAD: RE-IMAGINED project at the Hollywood, we thought it’d be cool if after THIEF we showed TRAXX (in which he stars) as a special late-night Bingo session.  And, he’s sticking around to introduce the movie!  Ok, on to TRAXX:

    There are two things Traxx loves–baking cookies… and killing bad guys.  His dream is to have his own cookie business, but the problem is he’s only good at one of those things (and it’s not the cookies).  This is where the light-hearted cookie-baker-with-a-dream plot turns kind of dark.

    Blonde-maned beefcake Shadoe Stevens is Traxx, an ex-cop, former mercenary who wants to settle down and live the cookie life.  Needing cash to make his cookie dreams a reality, he offers a small, crime-infested town a deal they can’t refuse: hire him to be their “Town Tamer” and he’ll take out their trash… forever (garbage you dump, trash you kill).  His motto is “Be good, be gone, or be dead.”  After teaming up with a rookie and killing about 300 low-lifes, Traxx gets the attention of local crime boss Aldo Palucci (played by Robert Davi, one of the Fratellis who put Chunk’s hand in the blender in The Goonies).  There’s a great scene where he tries one of Traxx’s awful cookies, with explosive results.  He puts out a hit on Traxx, bringing in the Uzi-toting, limo-driving Guzik Brothers, who have been in self-imposed exile in Mexico.  They kidnap the little league baseball team, trying to draw out Traxx, who by this time was living in the woods and wearing a Traxx t-shirt that his partner made for him.  The final showdown ends the only way it could: in an explosion that segues to fireworks and dancing in the streets, under the neon glow of a sign that says “Snaxx by Traxx”.  Directed by Jerome Gary.

    Some Traxx Snaxx

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: HARD TARGET

    HARD TARGETHARD TARGET (1993)
    Showing Tuesday 4/3/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    In HARD TARGET, Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Chance Boudreaux, an out-of-work sailor with a greasy, disgusting mullet.  How he keeps it that wet we never find out.  It’s definitely not from being “out to sea”.  But what we do find out is this: his first name is Chance because “his mama took a chance.”  Also, Wilford Brimley is his unintelligible moonshine-guzzling Cajun uncle.  The movie starts out with a rough-looking dude being hunted through the streets of New Orleans.  A gravelly-voiced sportsman named Emil Fouchon (Lance Henriksen) has been hiring guys out of the local homeless population as moving targets for wealthy men of refined taste.  It turns out the bum has a daughter, who eventually comes looking for him.  She traces him to the seedier parts of town where she meets Chance Boudreaux, and enlists the sweaty, gross-looking Muscles From Brussels to help her out.  The elegant connoisseur of the hunt Emil quickly finds out he’s met his match in the field, and makes the hunter the hunted, and then he becomes the hunted by the hunted he failed to hunt.  Then he is eaten by a hell beast. 

    Be sure to be on the look out for JCVD chewing the rattler off a rattle snake, and a great action sequence that epitomizes the “Blown Away From Explosion” bingo square.  Another curious thing to watch for are all the exploding bullets.  No matter what gets shot, it explodes… traffic cones, lights on police cars, trees, grass… Wilford Brimley.  Directed by John Woo.

    This is one of our favorite JCVD movies.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zAyZff2FuQ

     

     

  • Hot!

    “Bitches, come!”

    Here’s a good example of a BLANK SQUARE from the movie XXX starring Vin Diesel.

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: TOP DOG

     Top DogTOP DOG (1995)
    Showing Tuesday 3/6/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    After zany police dog Reno’s partner gets killed doing surveillance at the docks, he is teamed up with tough cop Jake Wilder (Chuck Norris of FOREST WARRIOR).  Why are they teamed up?  Because they have the same police record, of course!  Indeed, they have the same amount of arrests, the same amount of hero medals, and they’ve each been shot in the line of duty four times.  After this unlikely pairing, the film escalates into the zaniest white supremacy action thriller ever committed to film.  Basically, an underground group of neo-nazis have plans to blow up some kind of important racial unity gathering in order to celebrate Hitler’s birthday.  This seems kind of extreme for a dog-genre movie, but once Jake and Reno catch wind of their plans, they unite to become a two-fisted, four-pawed death squad!  You can expect to see some warehouse fights, a montage of Reno wearing different clothes and sunglasses, shipments of illegal weapons and C4, a gang of assassin clowns and more!  Directed by Aaron Norris (Chuck’s brother).

    COMMENTARY

    TOP DOG was the last Chuck Norris movie to be released in theaters.  By the time this came out in April 1995, the 2nd season of Walker, Texas Ranger was nearing completion, and Norris couldn’t have been less cool to moviegoers.  This film bears the stamp of the team of people that helped him make the Walker series, most notably his brother Aaron who directed numerous episodes.  Thus, it’s made-for-TV look begins to make sense.  Norris’ next movie, FOREST WARRIOR, went straight to video, as did the rest of his films through 2005 (he also did a few TV movies for CBS).  He announced his retirement from movie making after THE CUTTER in 2005, to spend time with his family and write books.  Later this year Chuck will be back on the big screen for his first wide-release movie since TOP DOG in the second installment of THE EXPENDABLES franchise.  Rumor has it that he refused to be in the movie unless the producers of the film agreed to tone down its vulgar, R-rated language (link to article).  The producers agreed, which is weird because who knew that Chuck still pulled so much weight after all these years?

    Footnote: While trying to find out how many episodes of Walker Aaron Norris directed, I saw a trend in his career that I could correlate directly to Chuck’s.  I discovered that Aaron’s directorial debut was BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III from 1988.  He went on to direct every Chuck Norris film after that, and with each we saw Chuck’s career slide closer and closer to the dreaded direct-to-video bin.  The lesson: Hollywood nepotism is rarely always a good thing.

    But enough stuffy analysis.  Here’s the action-packed trailer for the superb film TOP DOG!

     

  • Hot!

    B-MOVIE BINGO: ANGEL OF FURY

    B-Movie Bingo: Angel of FuryANGEL OF FURY (1992)
    Showing Tuesday 2/7/2012 at The Hollywood Theatre

    Hell has no fury… like a security firm courier scorned!   International martial arts star Cynthia Rothrock is Nancy Bolan, whose sole mission is to deliver a top-secret computer for a large security organization.  Housed within a silver briefcase, the computer’s purpose is unknown.  Enter “Bolt” (aka “Zartan”), who is referred to as “The Terrorist Who Strikes Like Lightning“.  He also happens to be a master of disguise and a beefcake.  It turns out that he wants the computer too, and is hot on Nancy’s trail, intercepting her multiple ingenious, and yet failure-prone delivery attempts.  The venerable Peter O’Brian, best known for his career-defining roles as The Stabilizer and Rambu, chews up the scenery as Bolt, in his sixth and final film role before returning to his previous life as an English teacher.

    Rothrock is in top form as a tough, “I’m gonna kill you”, no-nonsense agent.  Things to watch out for include: a post-computer delivery failure shopping spree, Rothrock’s insane, indescribable kick from a dirt bike through a van’s windshield (and then back again), bizarre editing and dialogue, guys who don’t know how to hold guns, and Peter O’Brian’s face.  This movie is PURE BINGO!!!!

    One thing that we like about this movie is that the screenplay was written by Chris Mitchum, son of Robert Mitchum!